I
don't know how to say how I feel politely, or poetically, or without
the jugular and collapse of the immediate heart, so tonight, I won't say
anything at all. Just stare out the window at our stunned little
writhe. Hold back the strongest urge to knock out a few of the capitol's
most critical walls, replace its fiber optic cables with lightning
bugs, replace the investment bankers all with bunker busters. I lock
eyes with the capitol's bright and empty rooms and admit that,
sometimes, deep in my affluent, American cells, I miss my body carved to
projectile. I miss trebuchet shoulders and knuckles flaked to
arrowheads, miss my hands massive and molded from molten to the bolts of
ballistas. I miss blackjack and cudgel and quarterstaff and flintlock. I
miss pummel and pike and I am not proud of this. I know it's not a
healthy feeling. I try to un-arm, to un-cock. I try to practice my
breathing. I try The Master Cleanse, The Stationary Bike, The Bikram Sweat, The Contortion Stretch, The Vegan Meatloaf, The Nightly, Scorching Bath, The Leafy Greens and Venom Television, The Self-Mutilation of a Winter's Run, but we can only cleanse our bodies so much before we realize it's not our bodies that need detoxing.
(Adam Fell)
|